Reversed Roles
by HyperMint
Summary: Mei relies on Satsuki, but now it's her turn. Set during movie.


Disclaimer: I do not own.

AN: Something stood out to me while I was watching 'Totoro' this week. This is Mei's POV - even though I relate more to Satsuki - and set during the last half of the movie.

This is for all the siblings out there - blood, chosen, friends, etc.

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Four year old Mei liked to think she knew a lot.

She knew that Mommy was in the hospital and they had to move to be closer to her. Everything was just a little better when they went on their Mommy visits and Mei just couldn't wait to share her bed with Mommy in case she was scared of the Soot Gremlins.

She knew that Daddy was very busy with his school jobs and that he was always around to explain things. It's how she knew that Daddy knew a lot more than she did because he was Daddy, so he had to be smart to be Daddy.

She knew that Granny was even smarter than Daddy! Well, maybe smarter somehow else, because she knew a lot about gardens and vegetables and rice planting and a lot of other things – _especially_ how to make cake! Daddy couldn't do that, but Mommy might know or Granny could teach her and then Mei would have cake all the time and her tummy grumbled when she thought about it.

Granny also knew about the Soot Gremlins, because she used to see them when she was little, too.

Mei didn't know how long ago that was, but she did know that it was longer than Mommy _and_ Daddy even before they were her own four years of age.

She also knew that Totoro, the Soot Gremlins and all their friends lived in the tree right next door to their very old house. She didn't see them a lot, but she knew they were there and she felt safe as she went to gather acorns they probably dropped for her to find – though she wondered if the hole was fixed in the bag. They watched after her as she found flowers and looked after the acorn sprouts and even as she slept at night. She liked to wave up at Totoro's tree whenever she could just to show them that she was thinking about them. While she would've liked to see them all the time, she couldn't and she just had to be glad that they liked her enough to let her see them.

They might have a lot of things to do, so she guessed she could understand.

She didn't want anyone to watch her sleep and go to the bathroom, either.

But of all the things she knew in her four years, there was one thing she absolutely knew without question:

Satsuki never cried.

Her big sister was brave and wasn't scared of _anything_ and that knowledge, in turn, made her brave, too, because Satsuki was always there and she didn't need to be afraid when her sister was there. Satsuki was always there to cook food and brush her hair – even when Mei couldn't sit still and Satsuki yelled at her – and she knew what Mei wanted and needed and was always there for her when she cried. Satsuki always knew what to do to cheer her up and Mei always tried to be like Satsuki.

When Mei was scared, she tried to do what Satsuki would do – scream to make everything else afraid and act like she wasn't about to cry like Satsuki did -, but it never really seemed to work without Satsuki and that was okay.

Satsuki was her sister and Mei wanted her to always be her sister, even though she yelled. Sometimes, she got nightmares that Satsuki wasn't her sister and couldn't help crying until Satsuki came to get her.

She never wanted Satsuki to forget her and following her big sister around was the best way to always have her remember that Mei was her sister and she was Mei's sister and no one else's.

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Mei knew that her sister yelled at her, but it didn't ever hurt like it did when Mommy had to stay at the Hospital instead of coming home.

Satsuki didn't need to yell at her, but she did and Mei had to cry because she was so mean. It wasn't _her_ fault! She just wanted Mommy to come home and eat the corn that Mei picked, because Granny said that it would make her better and Granny knew everything about gardens and things like corn.

If Granny said that Mei's corn was going to make Mommy feel better, then Mei had to get her corn to Mommy!

But she couldn't do anything.

She was upset that Mommy wasn't coming home and she didn't want to be yelled at anymore, so she made herself play with her blocks because there was nothing else to do. Somehow, she ended up falling asleep with her corn in her arms and woke up hearing Granny's voice as she tried to keep from waking her while moving around the kitchen.

Mei had to use the toilet and came back to see Satsuki at the pump with Granny.

And, for the first time, saw her sister cry.

But Satsuki – she _never_ cried.

It was always Mei who cried and Satsuki was there to make her feel better, but Mei never saw Satsuki cry even one tear before.

But there she was, crying as Granny tried to make her stop, and Mei – for the first time – didn't know what to do.

How could Satsuki be crying?

What was wrong with her?

She was always smiling and happy, but she wasn't and Mei didn't know what to do.

She wanted the other Satsuki back.

She _needed_ the other Satsuki back – the one who did her hair and who comforted her when she felt scared or sad and who made her want to be brave and a big girl.

Satsuki was crying and Granny couldn't get her to stop, but Satsuki was saying something about Mommy and –

That was it!

Satsuki was scared about Mommy!

Determination filled her as she looked down at the corn in her arms.

Granny said that her corn would make Mommy better. If Mommy got better, then she could come home and Satsuki would see that she was okay. And if Satsuki saw that Mommy was okay, then she would stop crying.

And if Satsuki stopped crying, then she would be Mei's Satsuki again.

So, all Mei had to do was to be the 'big sister' just this once and fix whatever was making Satsuki cry, like Satsuki fixed whatever made Mei cry.

She didn't know if she could be 'big sister', but for Satsuki she would try.

Because Satsuki didn't cry for anything and Mei didn't like this Satsuki, because her Satsuki was supposed to be happy.

Mommy eating Mei's corn and getting better would make Satsuki be happy again, so that's just what Mei was going to do.

She was going to go to the Hospital so Mommy would get the corn.

She would get the corn and Satsuki would be happy like Mei knew she could be.

She liked happy Satsuki, because that was her sister.

And if she wanted Satsuki to be happy, then she had to get her corn to Mommy.

Then everything would be okay again and Satsuki wouldn't cry anymore.

She nodded to herself and got her sandals, her legs taking her to the overlook in front of their house. She looked out at the world before her and felt a little nervous and scared about going out there by herself, but she would go out there and find the Hospital, anyway.

For Satsuki.

With that in mind, she squared her shoulders and started running.

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End


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